I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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