if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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