When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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