If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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