OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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