Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
