it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Ladies don't puke and tell
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
