I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
