I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
