I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
