winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Randomize
