capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
