Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
so much tequila, so little girl.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
