He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
