There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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