let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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