Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
