is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
