I swear she didn't look like that last week.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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