Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
