Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
