my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
