they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
