I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
