Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Randomize
