I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
