i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
