Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
