how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
