Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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