it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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