I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
