I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
