Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
