xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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