I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
