So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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