imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
