I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize
