I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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