Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
they call him Oral-B. enough said
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
