i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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