Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
