HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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