Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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