you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
