Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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