Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Randomize
