2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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