he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Randomize
