How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
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Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
