I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
