I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
