Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
