its not stalking. its research.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
