you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
