Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
