I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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