So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
