I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
